Friday, June 20, 2014

Half a Decade

What is it about love? It makes you feel so incredibly strange doesn't it? Love makes you have a whole new perspective on things. Love teaches you, I think, most of all. 

Last week we celebrated our fifth anniversary. Five years! ...Half a decade. How did that happen all the sudden? In the past I always wondered what our relationship would be like a few years into our marriage. I always wondered if we would still love each other just as much or if it would end up shambled, like so many of the marriages we've seen around us.
Our first few weeks of marriage were absolutely amazing. We were totally inseparable and completely infatuated with each other. As the months went on though I began to feel scared. I was scared that we had made a hasty decision or even worse, the wrong decision. It was hard and we of course began to argue over time. There were walls that had to be torn down between us. Sometimes it can be pretty hard to get to know someone so well, but when you go through some nasty stuff with each other and get out to the other end fine, that has to say a lot. And I think the only thing that can get you through something like that and still have each other in the end is a love so deep and unconditional, that you had no idea what it was capable of going through in the first place. Bluntly, our marriage would not have lasted if I had the attitude of David or David had my attitude. During our rough times he would not even allow the "D word". I don't know if it's because he was out to prove something or if he had a deep conviction, but it's because of his commitment that we didn't end it early. I have never been a very trusting person either. I don't know if it's from being hurt or what, but when I saw how much David trusts me, with every little part of himself, I began to let go and put some trust in him. It was amazing, this trust thing. I felt like I was completely and totally vulnerable and it was incredible. It was one of the best and hardest things I've ever done. It opened up a whole new door for us and our relationship changed. Our love changed. After a certain point our love was no longer about infatuation but about getting through things together. As a team. Going through every little detail of our lives, thick and thin, and doing it TOGETHER with love and gratitude.
I know, logically thinking, why would you do that? Why would you make yourself vulnerable, have arguments , and make yourself troop through tough times? It's more than just, "I've gotta get through this because so many are giving up too." It's that feeling, that word that people use way too loosely. Love.
Affection, romance, that bubbly feeling, It's way more than that, way more than what the movies will lead us to believe. Love is hard. Love hurts. Love makes you cry more than you want it to. It's not about those good feelings, it's about what it can stand up to. And I will say it again, love teaches you most of all.

I want to write a little foot note to say thank you to my husband. Thank you for five years(and beyond). Thanks for sticking with me accepting me and being patient with me. Thank you for the two children you've helped me with. You we're so strong through their births and there's no way they would have been so easy without you by my side. I'm completely convinced I made the right decision and i can't wait to see where life takes us. Together.

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